today i learned nipples grow back and now have to figure out what to do with this information
cuz if i needed to learn it everyone else has to too
I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling, as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words “dont forget your nipple”. It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I’m a new man after that day.
This is by far the best addition to any post I have ever made.
Literally nothing will ever be as satisfying as the 4 minute long fight sequence in Kingsman: The Secret Service, in which Colin Firth mercilessly wastes an entire Westboro Basptist Church like congregation as the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s 1973 anthem Freebird plays in the background.
It’s called a Laminar Flow. Water usually has a lot of turbulence in it, and that is that causes it to look rather chaotic when it’s spraying out of a hose.
Laminar Flow occurs when all the water is moving in the exact same direction, eliminating turbulence, and thus, creating a flow of water that looks like glass.
Still, the idea that this is creating Laminar flow randomly is quite incredible, usually it requires specially built nozzles to create it.
science side of tumblr coming back at us with hard facts and incredibly unexpected urls
First of all, it’s not nice to take pictures without sourcing them to the photographer. Which is doubly important because if you had you would have found the rest of Paul Wiggin’s photos of this sumatran tiger cub from the Chester Zoo and and used this one instead, which is objectively 10x better in every way
EL TIGRE ES PEQUEÑO Y GORDO Y ENOJADO
Adding more photos of this tiny and fat and aNGRY boi
emotionally I’m in crisis bc I don’t know which one I believe is more truthful… this is like coming across the two-faced god who asks you which face is lying..
you. are. beautiful. no matter what anybody says, or doesn’t say. or does do, or doesn’t do. you. are. beautiful. even when you feel your chest begin to collapse in on itself and the tears come to your eyes and the voice comes into your head telling you that you will never be enough to the people you want, the goals you have, the future you crave. look at yourself in the mirror— with the tears in your eyes and the mascara that somehow travelled to your cheeks and your chipped nail polish and acne on your cheeks, and tell yourself the truth. you are beautiful. you are enough. no matter what anybody says, or doesn’t say. or does do, or doesn’t do. no matter what fairy tale life you see in instagram comments or in the streets of your city or in the cubicle of your job or the halls of your school. your life is a fairy tale in and of itself, because it is full of people who love you, and dreams you’re working towards, and progress you’ve made, Jesus, the progress you’ve fucking made. you’re doing everything you thought you couldn’t do for wat longer than you thought you could. and you’re still managing to be kind, and get out of bed, and live your life in the best way you can and still trying to make it better. look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself the voice in your head was wrong, it was always wrong, you have a place in this world and you have come too far to walk to where you started because that old voice in your head is calling you back. you’re becoming the person you’ve always wished you could become, the most evolved and self aware version of yourself. the version of herself that believes in her own life, her own goals, her own future. the version of herself that loves herself like she used to want others to love her. she has fought and cried and bled to get where she wanted to be. look at her. look at yourself. and tell her you won’t let the voice in her head win today. tell her that she will win today instead. tell her that she has already won every battle she has fought. and remind yourself. you are so incredibly, largely, magnificently, entirely fucking beautiful.
— ap (1.12.19) what we must say to ourselves when we look in the mirror
